


Spirited Away: Torn Asunder

by JaneandtheArgonauts



Category: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi | Spirited Away
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Chihiro - Freeform, F/M, Fantasy, Hayao Miyazaki, Other, Relationship(s), Romance, Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi, Spirit World, Spirited Away - Freeform, Studio Ghibli, haku - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2020-12-13 21:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21004484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneandtheArgonauts/pseuds/JaneandtheArgonauts
Summary: On the eve of Chihiro's graduation, her aunt visits with less than welcome news - she must inherit their family's shrine as the next Miko, the head priestess, and bridge the physical and spiritual world to stop an impending catastrophe from bleeding into the mortal realm. This arrives just as nightmares of the Spirit World return in full force - including those of a particular river spirit whose promise she had surrendered long ago. Will Chihiro have the courage to face her past and accept her role in her family's dangerous legacy? Or will she be forced to finally relinquish her connection to the otherworldly spirits in order to live her life in our own world?





	1. Prologue - Homecoming

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Spirited Away nor its characters. They belong to Studio Ghibli and are the property of Hayao Miyazaki's wonderful imagination.

Chihiro blinks and takes in the vast, rolling fields, blades of grass bending and swaying in the warm breeze. A clear sky overhead with a breathtaking shade of blue. Familiar headstones and moss-covered statues of gods long forgotten still jut out of the earth, marking the way. The occasional run-down shed, faded houses, and what looks like an abandoned amusement park remain standing as they did eight years ago, memorials that have withstood the passage of time. Her heart soars and before she can reconsider, she takes off towards the park, legs weightless as they fly across the fields, bringing her ever closer to the threshold where it all began. She skips over the rocks that lay scattered across the dried-up riverbed without pausing this time, the cautious hesitation she’d shown as a child now nonexistent.

  
Her breath never falters, her limbs grow stronger as she quickens her pace. At last, landing safely on the other side, she tries her best to ignore the various stalls that boast a rich array of spiritual wares and enticing aroma of otherworldly dishes and unknown spices until finally, finally, she arrives at the bridge, the Bathhouse looming just beyond. She slows to a stop and gazes up at the grand Aburaya in all its glory. The tiled emerald rooftops, the lofty crimson columns that hold up the entire behemoth of an establishment, even the rickety steps that snake around the towering walls leading to a certain boiler room remain exactly the same as she remembers. Her foot inches forward as if in a trance, and takes a hesitant step onto the bridge. She had ached for this moment with every fiber of her being, the fierce need burrowing bone-deep. Years of revisiting the forest with nothing to show for, however, had steadily chipped away her resolve until the marvelous denizens of the Spirit World she had grown to love and care for had faded from memories to mere dreams. But now, as the inn stands waiting in front of her, she hesitates. Nothing seems to be out of place; the exterior remains the same as ever, and yet her feet refuse to move forward.

  
She stifles a gasp as cool hands cover her eyes, cutting off her vision. Her own scramble to clutch at them.

  
_It’s him, it has to be him, it’s him_, she keeps up the mantra in her head, as if repeating the prayer might turn it into reality – an impossible boy with straight, black hair, sea-green eyes that held an unfathomable depth and understanding far beyond his years. It must be him, her fingers desperately tug at his, willing him into existence. For months, years afterwards, she’d returned to the gate. Chihiro had done everything she could think of to come back, but no matter how many times she’d raced through the tunnel in the woods, no matter how many offerings she’d placed at the entrance, how hoarse she’d worn her voice shouting and pleading at whatever or whomever to just please take her back, her cries had fallen on deaf ears. She swallows the painful lump in her throat and scratches at the hands holding her fast, trying to pry them off. Just as she considers the possibility of kicking her unknown assailant from behind, a quiet voice murmurs in her ear,

“What took you so long?”

His soft voice stills her hands, her thoughts scatter. She releases the shaky breath she’d been holding and cups his hands once more in hers.

“Haku?”  
“When you wake up, you have to try to remember.”  
“What? No, Haku, please – !”

Chihiro blinks as the harsh light blinds her temporarily. She whirls around to confront him, but when her vision returns, a dragon – as fearsome as legends claim, armed with silver scales gleaming like fragments of the moon – holds her stare for only a brief moment before lunging towards her. Despite knowing better, she flinches and throws her arms back over her face as a fierce gust blasts past her. The dragon – Haku – shoots straight for the sky. His powerful form now a mere pale sliver against a deep blue canvas, he rides the current upwards until he stiffens at some unseen force. His eyes widen in pain as his beautiful scales bristle along his body from head to tail. She bites her lip, frustrated at her own helplessness. An unsettling feeling of déjà vu creeps in as she sprints off towards the disappearing dragon.

  
“Haku! HAKU!!” She cries out as his scales fall apart, disassembling from his body and fluttering serenely in the breeze, petals dancing in the wind. Her eyes are glued to him as she waits for the scales to float away and reveal Haku’s human form. She finally stops under his diminishing body. A misguided notion of saving him seizes her. As his scales continue floating down to earth, she instinctively stretches her arms up, trying to capture them in vain. Perhaps if she were to gather all his breathtaking scales, she can somehow piece him back together.

  
He will be whole again. They will be whole.

  
A sharp cut on her arm. Something warm trickles down. Another one, this time on her cheek. She winces as the scales mercilessly draw blood from her. Chihiro resists the urge to panic, to draw her hands back, to escape from the onslaught of Haku’s fragmented self, and holds still instead. Minutes pass. Or are they seconds? She clenches her teeth against the barrage of miniscule blades. She almost crouches, lowering herself to the ground and curling into a ball to minimize the damage and shield herself against the attack, when she realizes the pain had finally ceased. Her clothes are stained an alarming rust-red and there is a constant, nauseating scent of iron permeating the air, but she barely notices. She cranes her neck up towards the sky, searching for a falling boy, ready to catch him.

  
Haku, however, is gone. The sky remains serene, not a cloud in sight, no sign of the bloody unraveling that had just occurred. And the Aburaya, ever present but never far behind, watches in silence.

  
Waiting.


	2. Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past comes knocking...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because this story takes place in Japan, I've tried using some of the Japanese honorifics that are commonly used. Since I'm not Japanese, however, I may have incorrectly used some of the terms throughout the fic. If you catch any that are misplaced or are just plain incorrect, please let me know in the comments and I'll do my best to fix it! Thank you, as always, for taking the time to read this insanity.

Her earliest memories of Masami consist of dark, brown eyes full of mirth and boundless joy. A twinkling laughter that reminded Chihiro of the small wind chimes her mother used to hang on their balcony during her favorite season. Summers meant lazy days in the sun or time spent indoors catching up on cartoons when it rained. It meant throwing on a pair of shorts and a loose, light t-shirt as she raced to the Kohaku River to hunt for tiny minnows. On one such day, Masami swore she saw a river dragon slithering over rocks underneath the currents. Chihiro had scoffed at the idea. A whole year older than her cousin, she had fancied herself the big sister of the two.

“Dragons aren’t real, Mi-chan. You need to stop making stuff up,” she’d said, mimicking her mother.

“But it’s real, I saw it! I swear!”

“Yeah, right.”

“Uh-huh! I did! It was _this_ big!” Masami had spread her little hands out and stood on her toes, her short legs shaking with effort.

Chihiro planted her own hands on her hips and sighed. Another habit from her mother.

“Prove it, then.”

“You don’t believe me?”

Masami’s face scrunched up, her chin wobbling.

Oh, no.

Aunt Iwa’s stormy face suddenly flashed in her mind. She’d much rather fight a dragon than face her wrath. 

“You know what? Forget it,” she said, her voice trembling with false bravado. “I believe you.”

“I know you’re just lying. You don’t really believe me.”

Chihiro huffed and stomped towards the river. She saw Masami’s mouth drop out of the corner of her eyes. _Good_, she thought. _She’s_ _watching_.

“Look, I think I see it!” She made a big show of gesturing out into the churning body of water. “Wow! It’s really scary-looking!”

“Chi-chan, get down! Kaa-san said we weren’t allowed to get too close to the river!”

A flash of silver winked at her from beneath the swift currents. “Wait a second, I think I actually see something!”

“Chi-chan, please!” Masami pleaded, gripping her yellow sundress. “I’m getting scared!”

Chihiro climbed over the rocks lining the edge of the river and leaned closer. Was that a…tail?

She stepped on a particularly wet patch on one of the flatter stones she’d chosen to stand on, and –

Chihiro gasped as her feet lost purchase and gave way. She scrambled desperately onto the rock before the river snatched her. She thought she was safe.

Then –

“My shoe!” She whipped her head around to follow the pink sandal bobbing up and down the river. She knew her arms wouldn’t be long enough. Yet, she couldn’t help reaching out anyway, hoping to at least nudge it a little closer towards her.

Masami was nervously pacing back and forth from the shore.

“Chi-chan!! Stop it, you’ll fall!” She couldn’t stand watching her cousin any longer and ran back to bring their mothers. “Don’t move, ok? I’m getting kaa-san and Akiyo-ba-san!”

“No, don’t – !” Her fingers lost their grip. Time slowed for a fraction of a second and her mind went blank. She plummeted down the water, heart pounding. Her eyes squeezed shut as the river loomed closer, and the last thing she heard before hitting the cold waves were Masami’s high-pitched wails ringing in her ears.

...............

A bright, blinding flash. Chihiro blinks and smiles awkwardly. Her graduation gown hangs loosely over her shoulders, her arms cradle a pair of bouquets bursting with flowers wrapped in gaudy, bright paper. She fights the urge to tuck a wayward strand of hair out of the way.

“Sorry, forgot to turn the flash off!” Her father laughs, fumbles with the camera for a bit, then holds it up again. “All right, where’s that smile?” 

She forces a tight-lipped grin.

“Chihiro, honey, _smile_! You just graduated, where’s all the excitement? You’re finally done!” her mother gushes, as if trying to infect her daughter with some of her optimism. She steps forward and smoothes away her hair, brushing aside the offending strand. “Try to look happy!”

“I _am_ smiling,” Chihiro mutters under her breath as she widens her lips. It’s not that she isn’t happy. She is. Or so she tells herself. She remembers feeling immense relief as she turned in her last exam, hours upon hours spent at the university library writing and re-writing equations, constantly searching for the elusive solution. So much of herself poured into those papers, studying theories and holing herself up at the lab to test the pH levels of the various bodies of water and estuaries in rural towns and neighborhoods. When she’d finally submitted her thesis as part of her internship study at Hoshino Applied Physics and Environmental Sciences Laboratory, she’d felt as if a massive weight had been lifted – only to find that another had dropped in its place.

She’d heard whispers among the senior girls in her major a few years back that many of the positions they had applied to were instead offered to their male peers. She didn’t want to believe it then, but she couldn’t help clenching her fists when she discovered that Takumi, a junior who hadn’t even graduated yet, had snagged the coveted engineering consultant position at Atsukai Corp. she’d been eyeing. For the past six months, none of the places she had applied to had reached out to her. Countless applications. Dozens of phone calls and a handful of interviews. Not a single lab, company, or institution was interested in her.

“You’ll have plenty of time!” her father had told her over the phone a week ago. “You’re an environmental engineer now, for crying out loud! Who wouldn’t want you?”

“Wouldn’t you rather spend that time relaxing a little before burying yourself in work again?” her mother chimed in.

Chihiro had braced herself for what was coming next.

“There’s this nice young man, you remember the Yasuda’s?” she continued. “He’s very handsome, smart, has a secure income. He’s a professor at Tokyo University, but you wouldn’t know it by the looks of him! He’s quite young to be a professor!”

“Mom, I gotta go.”

“Akiyo, what the hell do you mean? He’s gotta be at least a surgeon if he’s gonna be good enough for our daughter! Chihiro’s gonna be saving the world! She can’t be marrying some lame professor!”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying an academic!”

Chihiro closed her eyes and sighed as the same, months-old argument played out once again.

“Bye, I’m hanging up!” she hadn’t waited for their response before disconnecting. She ignores the tiny prick in her chest from that particular memory, suppressing the sudden urge to apologize to her parents. Was otou-san always this short? When did her mother get so many grey hairs? She swallows the growing lump in her throat and nearly crushes the bouquets as she shoves them between the two.

“We haven’t gotten a shot of all three of us yet,” she said. “Let’s ask someone to take it for us.”

“Of course! Hmm, let’s see…” Akiyo scans the sea of graduation caps, proud parents, and stoic professors. “How about your advisor? I think I see her over there…”

Chihiro looks up as her mother’s voice fades. “Kaa-san? What’s wrong?”

Akiyo’s face pales. Chihiro follows her gaze and sees a tall woman, her dark hair swept back into a single, long braid. She draws attention from several attendees near her – it is rare for a woman her age to wear it at such length. Yet, in spite of her unusual style, she seems familiar…

“Iwa,” her mother whispers, not budging an inch. “She shouldn’t be here.”

“Aunt Iwa? How did she know I graduated today?” Chihiro can hardly keep up with her jumbled thoughts. “I thought – ” she lowers her voice before continuing, “I thought she hated us?”

Her father places a hand on her shoulder. “Not now,” he says. It’s as if the four of them are trapped in their own world, the congratulatory whoops and hollers, boisterous laughter of the new graduates and their families sounding miles away as Iwa takes her time walking over. After what seems like hours pass, she stops in front of them. Chihiro holds her breath. None of them move until slowly, gradually, her aunt bows low in front of her. She panics, all but dropping her flowers as she looks incredulously at her parents, who seem just as shocked as she is.

“Obaa-san?!”

“Congratulations, Chihiro.” Iwa lifts her head at last, holding her niece’s gaze. “It’s been far too long.” She turns towards her father this time and gives him a curt nod. “Yuko-san. It’s nice to see you’re still your usual self.”

“Ah-ha, yes, well…” he rubs the back of his neck as he shifts from one foot to the other.

Akiyo refuses to meet her sister’s eyes as she glances away. Iwa addresses her, regardless.

“Akiyo. We need to talk.”

Silence.

“It’s time. And I – _they_ – are not waiting any longer.”

Her mother pauses a moment before replying, “You cannot have her.”

“Akiyo, we never had a choice. Don’t you think, after all that’s happened, you at least owe me this?”

“What happened with Masami was not my fault.”

It’s as if she had reached out and slapped her. Chihiro and her father exchange worried glances, but Iwa appears unperturbed. A few bystanders stare at them, the tension in the air almost palpable.

“I think we should let Chihiro make her own decisions,” Iwa said. “She deserves to know our history and her future. She is no longer a child who needs protecting.”

Akiyo opens her mouth to protest when her daughter cuts in.

“I want to know,” she murmurs, catching herself by surprise. The circumstances surrounding her cousin’s tragic death were always shrouded in mystery and unanswered questions. But is she really ready to face them? Why has everyone kept the details hidden from her? Is that why they had suddenly decided to move away ten years ago? She needed answers. “What happened to Mi-chan?” 

“Chihiro, you don’t need to – “

“Mother,” she straightens her back and faces Akiyo, whose lips are pressed in a thin line. “Let’s go.” She then turns to her aunt. “Obaa-san, will you do the honor of joining us for dinner?”

Iwa waits for her sister to interject. When she realizes that Akiyo isn’t going to stop her, she looks from mother to daughter, arriving at some sort of quiet conclusion. She takes a small step forward.

“Yes,” Iwa says. “Let’s.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that some of you are interested enough to give me kudos/comments! Thank you kindly for being so patient with me, it's been a little hectic because of the approaching holiday season, but I'll do my best to update as much as I can. Thank you again for your support! <3


	3. Echoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Painful reminders from the past continue to haunt Chihiro and an uncertain future lies ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi y'all, I'm back!

At 5:30 in the evening, the air inside  _ Hofuya _ comes to life with ravenous patrons leaving a trail of exhaustion and fatigue from the day’s various trials and tribulations in their wake. A tantalizing scent of fried octopus - takoyaki, perhaps, or tempura - lingers around the starving mass of customers waiting for their orders. Besides the hustle and bustle of the regular dinner crowd, a couple of Chihiro’s classmates and their families are already feasting on their meals. She quells the wave of nausea that hits as the scent of meat, particularly the heavy, cloying yakiniku, overwhelms her. 

_ I’m fine. _

_ I’m fine. _

_ I’m fine. _

She breathes through her mouth and focuses on planting one foot in front of the other. As Chihiro’s family follows the harried busboy to an empty booth, she wonders whether they should have eaten at home after all. The four of them wallow in silence, each preoccupied with their own thoughts, their quiet, solemn musings at odds with  _ Hofuya _ ’s festivities. After shifting in his seat for a bit, her father clears his throat, then stares down at the cup of steaming  _ guricha _ that had been placed on the table. She is fleetingly tempted to ask if he’s found the answer to life’s questions among the curled, pan-fried tea leaves at the bottom of his cup. Aunt Iwa, on the other hand, is seated across from her, back ramrod straight as she carefully places one hand under her own warm cup. She gently swirls the tea before breathing in the aroma, taking a cautious sip. Akiyo has yet to touch hers and Chihiro, still fighting the urge to gag from the smell of yakiniku, begins tapping her finger against the side of her glass. She’s about to bolt to the restroom when a stout, balding man donning a mottled apron bursts through the kitchen curtains and hurries over to their table. 

“My, my! We have a full house tonight! How has my favorite customer been?” 

She grins at his familiar greeting. “I’m doing all right, Saito-san, how’s business?”

“Well, you know, same old-same old…although thanks to you fresh new graduates, we’re not gonna be going hungry anytime soon!” He breaks off into raucous laughter, his sizable girth shaking with merriment. “Ah, Yuko-san, you’ve raised a fine daughter here!”

“Tell me something I don’t know!” her father jumps eagerly into the conversation, grateful for a break from the awkward silence. “Hey, you got any more of your famous hot-pot? Been craving it for a while now!” 

“Of course! Anything for you! And for the madam?” 

“I’ll be sharing my husband’s dish, thank you for asking.” 

“No problem at all! And you, honored guest? I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting yet.” 

Iwa bows her head and says, “You may call me Iwa. And I, too, will be sharing the  _ sukiyaki _ .” 

“Very good, very good! Chihiro, darling, the usual for you, I assume?”

“Yes, thank you.” 

“Excellent! I’ll be right back with your orders. And congratulations on your graduation, my dear! I know you’ll be off achieving great things.” 

She watches as he scurries into the kitchen once more, tamping down the familiar sense of unease at the mention of her future. She gulps down the glass of barley tea too quickly and coughs as the scalding liquid burns her throat. 

“Chihiro, you ordered something vegetarian again, didn’t you?” her mother’s disapproving tone pulls her out of her thoughts just as she stops coughing. “Don’t you think you should have outgrown this by now?”

“Mother, please.” 

“You’re too thin! I can’t bear seeing you waste away like this, you need  _ some _ kind of meat in your diet!”

Iwa cocks her head to the side and sets down her cup. 

“I didn’t know Chihiro was a vegetarian?”

“She started this nonsense years ago and hasn’t stopped since!” Akiyo’s eyes flit up and meet her sister’s gaze for a fraction of a second before darting away.

“May I ask what brought this about?” 

“I think it was around the time we moved, wasn’t it?” Chihiro’s father rubs his chin as he tries to remember. “Yeah, it must have been…she didn’t have any problems eating meat before.” 

“Really?” 

Akiyo clasps her shaking hands under the table. After months of incessant interrogations and inquiries from Chihiro about memories of a “Spirit World,” she refused to touch any kind of meat. Doctors’ visits, therapist appointments, nutritionist consultations…an endless cycle that brought no respite for a child who firmly clung onto her outlandish beliefs. Sleepless nights had become the norm for both of them. Her little girl would wake up screaming the same name over and over again as if it were a curse or, perhaps, a plea. 

“It started with pork.” 

She looks away as her daughter continues speaking in a low voice. 

“The smell, the taste - I can’t stand it anymore.” 

Even years after her visit to the Spirit World, Chihiro jerked awake some nights in cold sweat, her parents’ faces screaming in agony as their features slowly morphed into pigs. Their eyes bulged, matching their expanding faces, noses widened, then elongated into snouts. Their sides spilled out as they rapidly grew bloated, excess rolls of fat ripping out of their clothes. Soon, their shoes would split into cloven feet. And always, at the end of this nightmare, would be Yubaaba, brandishing her cane and shrieking,

“A deal is a deal, Sen, a deal is a deal!”

She shudders as she recalls the witch’s massive, wrinkled face, wide, grinning teeth, and piercing cackle. Chihiro knows that it was all real. Despite the years that had passed without Haku answering her call and the Spirit Realm remaining unbearably out of reach, she had never questioned whether or not any of the events she’d experienced had truly happened. Although she had long since given up convincing her parents otherwise, a small inkling of hope had remained - that she would one day return to the other side. 

She hasn’t noticed how tightly she’d been gripping her teacup until Aunt Iwa’s warm, slender hand covers her own. Iwa smiles gently and takes her time gathering her thoughts before speaking. 

“Is there a particular reason why you’ve developed such an aversion to meat? I know many of our acolytes at the temple have made a vow of chastity, which includes a strict adherence to a vegetarian lifestyle. However,” she places her other hand on Chihiro’s cheek, “you have not made such a commitment to the temple. Though your mother knows how badly I want you to.” 

“I...yes, there is a reason, but I’m not sure you would understand.” 

Iwa narrows her eyes at the way her niece seems to shrink into herself. What in the world had happened? Who - or what - could have done this to her? 

“Chihiro, look at me.” 

She lifts her niece’s chin up until her eyes reluctantly meet Iwa’s own. She frowns at the dark circles shadowing Chihiro’s once warm, brown eyes, which she had obviously tried covering with makeup for her graduation. Her heart clenches. She  _ has  _ lost weight - but Iwa doubts the reason stems from Chihiro’s diet. Her haunted appearance is a familiar, painful  sight .

“There’s no need to be afraid. I will listen.” 

Chihiro blinks rapidly as her vision blurs, biting her lips at her aunt’s gentle coaxing. How she had longed to hear her parents speak exactly those words rather than complete strangers in a cold, unfamiliar room. And here, appearing quite suddenly out of nowhere, is her aunt - her mother’s older sister, whom she hadn’t spoken to for many years - giving her what she so desperately needed. 

Chihiro takes a breath to steady herself. She focuses on the small, silver crane necklace hanging just past Iwa’s collarbone. She ignores the urge to glance back at her mother and father, who are hovering right outside her peripheral vision. Soon, even the sickening odor of burning meat fades from her senses as a fainter, more comforting smell of a warm, summer breeze wafts by.

“Better?”

Chihiro inhales again, filling her lungs with the gentle wind. She nods. 

“Yes. Much better,” she says, as she starts her tale from the very beginning. 

.............

The car rolls to a stop in front of Chihiro’s apartment complex and the only sound she and her parents can hear is the idling engine. Her father parks the vehicle, keeping his keys in the ignition. After glancing back and forth between her parents, Chihiro raises her hand towards the door handle. 

“Well, thanks for coming,”she says. “And for dinner. It was...nice.” 

She opens the door. 

“Are you going to go?”

Chihiro stops herself, one foot still inside, the other on the curb of the sidewalk. 

“To your aunt, I mean.” Her mother stares at her through the rearview mirror, her expression kept carefully blank. 

Aunt Iwa’s question from  _ Hofuya _ still echoes in her mind, refusing to be buried in her subconscious. 

_ Will you come visit the temple? It’s time to fulfill your rightful duties as the next miko - the head priestess. _

“I can’t stop you from going, Chihiro. There’s no earthly way I can keep you here, but just know that if you do visit that temple - ” she breaks off and squeezes her arms around herself, digging her fingers into her maroon sweater - “we may end up losing you. For good.” 

Chihiro folds her legs inside the car and shuts the door again. 

“Mom...dad...you both have done so much for me. I know it’s been hard dealing with me for so long after that...episode I had when I was little.” 

She isn’t stupid. She understands that, while it has been extremely difficult readjusting to her life here after the Spirit Realm, she has also since acknowledged her parents’ struggles as well. There is never a moment where her heart doesn’t clench with guilt at the deep lines etched on their faces, and for the many days and nights she could overhear her mother crying, no matter how hard Akiyo had tried to muffle her sobs. The anxious looks they passed between each other the first time she had thrown up from the scent of pork in the kitchen, her father’s hoarse shouts as he had frantically searched for her all those nights in the forest when she’d run off to find Haku - she never fully realized how much pain she’d caused until she was much older. 

But, in spite of all that, or perhaps because of it, the need to visit the temple became that much stronger. It would be better for everyone involved if she just...leaves.

“This is something I have to do. Aunt Iwa had said that I’m the only person in our family who can inherit the temple.” 

“Chihiro, sweetie, you don’t have to - “

“Mom,” she reaches over and uncurls her mother’s fingers from her sweater and folds them gently into hers, “I love you so much. More than I can say, and you have always had my best interests in mind, but it’s time for me to make my own decisions.” 

“And dad,” she grasps her father’s hand, which had been clutching the steering wheel for some time, and says, “I know you’ve always got my back, right? Otou-san…”

He sniffs and turns his head away. Chihiro releases his hand for a second and pats his shaking shoulders, fighting tears of her own. 

“I’ll be ok, dad, mom. You two raised me. Have some faith in me, huh?”

Her father takes off his seat-belt and wraps her tightly in a warm hug. 

“You be careful out there, you hear me? I know Iwa will take good care of you, but it doesn’t hurt to pack some extra pepper spray.” 

She laughs and nuzzles into his wide arms, closing her eyes and breathing in the familiar scent of tobacco and aftershave. 

“It’s not like I’m going to stay there forever, I just want to hear what Aunt Iwa has to say. And...maybe see what it’s like living at the temple. That’s all.” 

Chihiro lets go of her father, turning to embrace her mother as well. She feels Akiyo’s body become still as she holds her close. 

“Mom...I’ll be back, ok?” 

She says nothing, her tiny frame leaning into her daughter ever so slightly. Chihiro lowers her head so that it nestles against the top of Akiyo’s hair and the two of them rest for a bit, taking comfort in the other’s presence and engraving this all too rare moment into their memory. She is suddenly reminded of the time when she was hospitalized years ago, after she’d almost drowned in the Kohaku River. After she’d gained consciousness and her mother and aunt had come rushing into her room, Akiyo had held Chihiro close and stayed by her side the whole day. They talked for a little while, but most of the time they were silent, just as they are now, their heads and shoulders touching, noting the rise and fall of their breaths that reassured the other that the one they held dear was alive and well. 

“Are you sure we can’t drop you off?” Akiyo finally asks. 

Chihiro raises her head and moves towards the door. “No, it’s all right,” she answers, “I know how much you hate that place.” 

“That doesn’t matter, we can at least drive you there and make sure you arrive in one piece.” 

She gets out and bends down to look at her parents. 

“I’ll be fine. It won’t be hard taking the subway down, and besides, I can always call Aunt Iwa for directions.” 

“All right then, you little rascal,” her father says, craning his neck to call out, “we’ll see you later. And Chihiro,” she turns as she starts walking up the steps to her complex, “we’re both so proud of you. We always were, and we always will be.” 

She can’t help but beam at her father’s words. A tiny glimmer of hope she hasn’t felt in years begins to take root. Chihiro waves a final goodbye before punching in the code to her apartment building. She knows they’ll both be waiting at the curb until they see the lights illuminating through her window, so she continues making her way to the third floor without looking back, allowing her parents to be her silent guardians one last time before setting off into the unknown. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience! I hope everyone (including your loved ones) is safe and healthy!
> 
> Also, social distancing is hard... :(

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic! I'd been meaning to write one about Spirited Away for years after I'd watched it as a kid. Extremely excited to finally share it with you all! :)


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